Posts filed under Sweden

She who brings the Light

When the memories are fading...

Det är en storm påväg inatt, rannsaka och bekänn
Guds son ska komma nerstigen från himmelen igen
Du ska stå naken framför sanningen och jordens alla kval
Han ska pröva din styrka, han ska testa din moral
— Lars Winnerbäck - Elegi

Where is America going

It has now been two years since my mom passed, but I still think about her every day. Lately I have started to panic because I feel as if I am grasping for memories that are slowly starting to disappear, to fade away. Maybe one of the reasons for this is that I already lived away from home for so many years, and only saw mom about every second year. One of the last text messages i got from mom was -Where is America going? She referred to the election, and couldn’t understand how someone who has never been into politics can become a president, and how people could vote on someone like that. (She should see Sweden now, it would break her heart) The other text she sent was about snowplows, well Stockholm had just gotten a snowstorm and people were complaining about the lack of plowing. My mom said the there are so many unemployed people that probably could showel, but yet people are complaining about the lack of snowplows.


November 14th

The day started like most days, early in the morning we had coffee before getting ready to leave for work. I saw that my oldest brother had called me and thought that was weird. So I called back and got the news. Mom was in the hospital, they didn’t know much but she was in surgery. The next call I got sounded positive, he said she has lost a lot of blood but she’s fine. But she was not. In my mind I was thinking that my friend is working on moms blood, because she works at the hospital and somehow I had a feeling that my mom was not alone. I told W, my friend is probably working now, helping her I can feel it. Several thousands mile away one of my best friends got a blood order. She recognize the birth date, because my mom and another friend of us share the same birthday. It was a lot of blood my mom needed, too much to work. After her shift that day she walked by our house on her way home and thought about my mom.

Du ser andra halvan av solen när den sjunker i väst
Jag sitter ensam här och undrar var vi hamnar härnäst
Med dig på andra sidan jorden får jag tid till ingenting
Medan natten fäller blå kalla skuggor häromkring
Vi skulle klara vad som helst, vi skulle aldrig säga nej
Och vad du anförtror åt mig, ska jag anförtro åt dig

Det är en storm påväg inatt, rannsaka och bekänn
Guds son ska komma nerstigen från himmelen igen
Du ska stå naken framför sanningen och jordens alla kval

Han ska pröva din styrka, han ska testa din moral
Vi står tysta framför skälet, där sommaren tar slut
Som tonårsbarn på hemväg efter gårdagens debut
Nu skulle inget bli som förr, vi var i en annan division
Vi kunde höra höstens mörka vatten brusa under bron

Vi skulle klara vad som helst, vi skulle aldrig säga nej
Och vad du anförtror åt mig, ska jag anförtro åt dig

Och alldeles nyss fick jag lyssna till ditt skratt
Och det berättade, du saknade mig inatt, det gör jag med
Det är så tyst nerifrån gatan som det aldrig annars är
Det är som om natten här har sett allting och stilla sjunger med

En elegi för alla sorger den där hösten handla om
För en mor som sjukna in, för ett barn som aldrig kom
För skuggan över gårn där aldrig solen lyste in
För en ork som inte fanns, du sakna min, jag sakna din
För en tystnad mellan väggarna som skar genom cement

Två ögonpar i tomhet från september till advent
För en man som gick till jobbet som om inget hade hänt
För en kvinna som sa allting är förstört, allt är brännt

En elegi för alla vägar som vi inte vandrat än
För en tid som bara går och aldrig kommer igen
Vi skulle klara vad som helst, vi skulle aldrig säga nej
Och vad du anförtror åt mig, ska jag anförtro åt dig
— Lars Winnerbäck - Elegi
Posted on November 15, 2018 and filed under Stockholm, Sweden.

Where it all started


Flashback Friday

Sommarstugan aldrig någon ro

    One of my favorite places in the whole world is the summer house in Sweden. It's located in the north of Sweden, right by the Baltic Sea, and I have done countless walks in the forest there. Alone for many parts of it. It is something special about going out into the forest and trust your senses, feeling the nature. I knew I wouldn't get lost, because because I had the ocean behind my back and I could always follow the sound. There is a huge esker that you eventually will reach, kind of conforming you into an area that is almost, yeah almost impossible to get lost within. I don't have any digital pictures of the esker, or the forest behind the house, but I do have some other ones, of the water, this endless supply of water.


An old Legend

    There is an old legend that talks about a hidden treasure, that was buried somewhere in that area way back in the day, when the vikings came. It was a way to save all the treasures that the village had, and someday they would get it back. Although that never happened. The legend says that they buried it at a certain location where you could see the ocean and also the old village.



     Once there was a boy who ventured out in the forest to find the treasure. He reached the spot and started to dig, and found the treasure. But when he looked up he discovered that his whole village was on fire, so he dropped the treasure and ran back home to help, through the forest as fast as he could, only to discover that everything was normal back at the village, and no fire had ever happened. He never found that treasure again. That is the legend.



    We searched and searched for that treasure too, everyday was a treasure hunt in the forest. This was before everyone got addicted to screens. Screens and screens everywhere. We were allowed to watch the children's show early in the morning during the summer holiday, and watch a movie or family tv show in the evening. But that was it. This was back in the day when people hung out more with each other, children ran around in the forest and played with cones and sticks. Before we knew what a cellphone was and that we someday would become so detached to society as we are now. 



    We fish a lot up there. Dad and I have gone countless times out on the ocean to lay out fishing nets in the evening, and fetch them early the next day before the birds get to the fish. All of these pictures are between 7-11 years old. I have not been to the summer house since 2009, which is very very sad. I really want to go there sometime soon, and bring W and show him all the great places up there. Take him out fishing, go sauna and all other wonderful things you can do up there. 


Where it all started

    The summer house is also where it all started. This endless supply of raw nature, the forest and oceans. It's quite remarkable how affected you can get by nature. This is where i made up my mind, without knowing it, way back in time, that the environment is what I am going to care about, what I am going to study. That summerhouse is the reason I am where I am today, the reason why I went to Alaska, the reason why I study what I do. The summer house is the reason to why I will try to save the world from people like this country's current president.


    Do you have a place like that, that shaped your future?