Posts filed under Stockholm

When the memories are fading...

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Det är en storm påväg inatt, rannsaka och bekänn
Guds son ska komma nerstigen från himmelen igen
Du ska stå naken framför sanningen och jordens alla kval
Han ska pröva din styrka, han ska testa din moral
— Lars Winnerbäck - Elegi

Where is America going

It has now been two years since my mom passed, but I still think about her every day. Lately I have started to panic because I feel as if I am grasping for memories that are slowly starting to disappear, to fade away. Maybe one of the reasons for this is that I already lived away from home for so many years, and only saw mom about every second year. One of the last text messages i got from mom was -Where is America going? She referred to the election, and couldn’t understand how someone who has never been into politics can become a president, and how people could vote on someone like that. (She should see Sweden now, it would break her heart) The other text she sent was about snowplows, well Stockholm had just gotten a snowstorm and people were complaining about the lack of plowing. My mom said the there are so many unemployed people that probably could showel, but yet people are complaining about the lack of snowplows.

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November 14th

The day started like most days, early in the morning we had coffee before getting ready to leave for work. I saw that my oldest brother had called me and thought that was weird. So I called back and got the news. Mom was in the hospital, they didn’t know much but she was in surgery. The next call I got sounded positive, he said she has lost a lot of blood but she’s fine. But she was not. In my mind I was thinking that my friend is working on moms blood, because she works at the hospital and somehow I had a feeling that my mom was not alone. I told W, my friend is probably working now, helping her I can feel it. Several thousands mile away one of my best friends got a blood order. She recognize the birth date, because my mom and another friend of us share the same birthday. It was a lot of blood my mom needed, too much to work. After her shift that day she walked by our house on her way home and thought about my mom.

Du ser andra halvan av solen när den sjunker i väst
Jag sitter ensam här och undrar var vi hamnar härnäst
Med dig på andra sidan jorden får jag tid till ingenting
Medan natten fäller blå kalla skuggor häromkring
Vi skulle klara vad som helst, vi skulle aldrig säga nej
Och vad du anförtror åt mig, ska jag anförtro åt dig

Det är en storm påväg inatt, rannsaka och bekänn
Guds son ska komma nerstigen från himmelen igen
Du ska stå naken framför sanningen och jordens alla kval

Han ska pröva din styrka, han ska testa din moral
Vi står tysta framför skälet, där sommaren tar slut
Som tonårsbarn på hemväg efter gårdagens debut
Nu skulle inget bli som förr, vi var i en annan division
Vi kunde höra höstens mörka vatten brusa under bron

Vi skulle klara vad som helst, vi skulle aldrig säga nej
Och vad du anförtror åt mig, ska jag anförtro åt dig

Och alldeles nyss fick jag lyssna till ditt skratt
Och det berättade, du saknade mig inatt, det gör jag med
Det är så tyst nerifrån gatan som det aldrig annars är
Det är som om natten här har sett allting och stilla sjunger med

En elegi för alla sorger den där hösten handla om
För en mor som sjukna in, för ett barn som aldrig kom
För skuggan över gårn där aldrig solen lyste in
För en ork som inte fanns, du sakna min, jag sakna din
För en tystnad mellan väggarna som skar genom cement

Två ögonpar i tomhet från september till advent
För en man som gick till jobbet som om inget hade hänt
För en kvinna som sa allting är förstört, allt är brännt

En elegi för alla vägar som vi inte vandrat än
För en tid som bara går och aldrig kommer igen
Vi skulle klara vad som helst, vi skulle aldrig säga nej
Och vad du anförtror åt mig, ska jag anförtro åt dig
— Lars Winnerbäck - Elegi
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Posted on November 15, 2018 and filed under Stockholm, Life in New York.

In the Rearview Mirror pt.4

 

Flashback Friday

    My flashback Friday kind of disappeared last week, mostly because I was upset on so many different levels because of what is currently going on in the US. I'll talk more about that in another post, but if you are interested in some of my posts and my views you can check them out below: 

 
 

    Even though we started off on pretty good terms with the fall season by attending yet another wedding (in Florida none the least), fall quickly turned into a pretty dark ordeal for me. There were certainly many good times, but also my mom passed away in November, so we went to Sweden. What happened afterwards is apparently pretty common when someone close to you die, families tear apart a bit, and without going into more detail our family is not as close as we once were. Either way, Christmas came along and we had a wonderful time in Bozeman, MT. It's weird because I had been thinking about maybe, just maybe going back to Sweden for Christmas, I know that mom really wanted us to, but we didn't. We finished off December by going on a pretty adventurous cabin trip and also a trip to Yellowstone. 

October

    October started off good, but the temperatures, can we talk about the temperatures. 66F in October, incredible! You could definitely see some color changes on the trees though, it appears that fall in Wisconsin is very beautiful too. Im learning to appreciate our neighborhood, and there are these super pretty streets all around town, and sometimes you see pretty unexpected things, like the picture of Greta Garbo, just like that, hanging on a wall along one of the streets. When we went to Florida we actually went through 6 different states, including Wisconsin and Florida. We drove to Chicago which is in Illinois, and took the plane to New Orleans in Louisiana. Then drove through Mississippi, and Alabama before we finally reached Florida. Of course we tried fried alligator in New Orleans. Then Halloween happened and all of a sudden October was over. 

 
 

November

    November was pretty warm too, I mean compared to Fairbanks :) We had some beautiful mornings and evenings with magical light. When mom died I received so many cards, and flowers from people and W was doing his best to keep me from falling apart. He made sushi for me, we had mussels, twice in a week! I kept myself busy at work, and we went hiking. At the end of November we traveled to Sweden and had some wonderful days there too, even though parts of the trip was completely horrible. Dad took us to the opera to see the Swedish take on the Nutcracker, and it was the first time W got to spend time in the same lounge area as the king and queen usually does, he was impressed! 

    A family friend wrote this beautiful text about my mom, in Swedish:

Du, min vän i livet.
Du var en av de som såg mig, som tog till sig av saker jag sa.
En av de som gav mig trygghet. 
En av de som alltid ställde upp.
En av de som alltid svarade i telefonen när som helst.
Du har lyssnat när jag sjungit,
Du har läst mina dikter,
Du har berömt mig när jag ritat och skissat,
Jag har varit vaken sent på kvällar då vi setts och suttit och pratat om ditt och datt, om allt möjligt. 
När jag var hos dig som yngre fick jag alltid oboy, det var innan jag började dricka kaffe. 
Senast vi sågs drack jag vin, man kan säga att tiden gått sen jag var liten.
Jag vet att du alltid trott på mig, 
De har du även visat.
På midsommar ett år utnämnde jag dig som "extramamma", den titeln har stått kvar sedan dess.
Vi har skrattat, vi har gråtit, vi har haft många fina stunder.
Nu är det minnen, 
Minnen jag bär med mig för resten av livet,
Det kommer bli tungt utan både dig och bullpojken,
Idag både nynnar och sjunger jag
"Här Rosemarie, syns blåa Nämdöfjärden",
En av de sånger jag minns och tänker på dig. 
Jag älskar dig Rosie❤️

 
 

December

    Moms funeral was December 2nd, and after that I had yet another week in Stockholm. My mom used to work at the open air museum Skansen before she retired, and we went there with dad. After W left I was cleaning out all my boxes I still had at home, old boxes with lots of memories from the best of friends. Then I flew back to my new home, over here in the US. There are still so many things I have at home in Sweden, and I have no clue how I am suppose to get everything over here, time will tell. Madison got really cold in December, we had quite a few days of below 0 F. We left for Bozeman on Christmas day, and had a great time there. Skiing, skiing, skiing. We also went to Yellowstone, of course, and did some skiing there as well. 

 
 

    How was the last quarter of the year for you?

Beauty on Water?

 

Flashback Friday

    Well, I think it's time to do a flashback Friday from my hometown, and home country or what do you think?

 
 

Stockholm Archipelago

    Last time I was back in Sweden was in April 2013, so that is quite some time ago. I grew up in Stockholm and of course there are many things I miss about Sweden and Stockholm, but there are also a lot of things I don't miss about Sweden and Stockholm. In April 2013 I finally took W with me to Sweden, he's been studying in Finland before so it wasn't completely new to him to go to a Scandinavian country. I figured that one of the best ways to showcase Stockholm would be to go on one of the many boats. We picked one that was combined with a lunch buffet, so you could eat and watch the beauty of Stockholm and it's surroundings at the same time. What a concept :)

 
 

Beauty on Water?

    Of course I am probably biased when I say that I believe Stockholm really is beauty on water, but that's okey. Just looking at these pictures of the many different islands in the archipelago makes me miss Stockholm right now. If you ever bring someone from abroad over to Sweden and Stockholm you have to go on one of these boat trips. Seeing the many different but also beautiful houses along the way, and watch the different communities on the islands and along the way develop is such nice experience if you never seen anything like it before. 

 
 

    Isn't it beautiful? Stockholm has a special place in my heart of course. One of the things I really missed while living in Fairbanks, AK was of course all the water. Here in Madison and Wisconsin we do have the many lakes to make up for part of that, but it's still not the same at all. 

 
 

    Happy Friday to you guys!

 

Success? -I am my worst enemy, and Jantelagen

W always say that I am my own worst enemy, I have such high standards on myself. Is this the effect of Jantelagen? I know a lot of other Swedes in the US have mentioned Jantelagen and its effect on their personalities before. I don't know how we got into this culture in Scandinavia, it doesn't make sense at all, but at the same time it totally does (since this is what we are used to). I can never give myself a break, every time something good happens or I am successful at something I always add...but...and then list all the negatives surrounding the success. 

A couple of years ago I got a big Swedish fellowship that was handed out by the Swedish Crown Princess. I went back to Sweden to receive it and for some reason I didn't tell any of my friends that this was the reason, so crazy, I just didn't think about it, and certainly did not want to brag about it. 

 

 

I am slowly learning to broadcast my success and to feel good about it though. I think all Scandinavians could learn from some of the American culture to a certain extent :)

 

Posted on April 24, 2016 and filed under Alaska, Science, Stockholm.